The Musings of A Broken Heart
by ThisBipolarMess
Summary: Sometimes Rex just does some very very stupid things. Rated T for strong language. Read and Review :D


**A/N: T. Wihe reason for this inexcusable sappy fic? THERE ISN'T ENOUGH BEVREX FICS. SERIOUSLY. Beverly only had 3 seconds screen time and I already liked her more than Circe. :P And plus, regarding Bev's wrong insights on love, I mean, you cant blame her. She's been an E.V.O. most of her teenage years, its like sleeping one night as a twelve year old and waking up nineteen. So her judgement on love is still kinda immature.**

**Disclaimer: GenRex ain't mine. If it were, Bev would surely be showing up a lot more often. And the quote about love is from the movie "A Walk to Remember" I don't own that either.**

"I'm sorry, but I love someone else."

She just stared at me. It was so quiet. I could hear our heartbeats and it was not in synchronization. Mine was normal, her's was beating frantically. I can't count how many times her mouth opened as I to speak and then closing it again. She stuttered, unable to say what I thought would be a slap in the face.

Yeah, she did become my girlfriend. It was fun and all. Afternoons in the park, coffee in the mornings, playtimes at night. It was fun, but she knew it was all play, right? She knew it was just a passing thing. A coy to subside the hormones. Not something serious. She was just a pit stop. Circe was the real deal. Maybe she didn't know how deep things ran between me and Circe. That Circe makes me actually think of a house, life and kids. With her, I just thought of the next time we watch another of her stupid chick flicks.

"Bev, you do know what we had wasn't real, right?" I said, like it was obvious or something. Of course she knew. "It was real for me." She said, lowering her head until her bangs covered her eyes. It angered me. The way she makes me pity her.

"Why? Was watching chick flicks for you real? Was coffee in the mornings as for stupid afternoons feeding each other strawberries real,huh? Love isn't like that, Bev! They're real! They hurt!" I yelled, not really withdrawing my frustration. Why was she making this harder? Oh yeah, she likes the drama. Nothing like a blochbuster break-up. Just like the movies. "I'm sorry! I didn't know about your tragic outlook on life!" she yelled back, getting angry too. "Oh it all daises and sunshine for you then! It wasn't my fault you were an E.V.O. spider for four years of you life and know nothing about love!" Great! I said it! Something so hurtful that it'll hit her where it hurts. I bet she'll run away, crying. Expecting e to run after her, begging to be forgiven. But no, I won't. I don't love her, I love Circe. But then she surprised me, she didn't run.

She bit her lip; forcing tears in. She swallowed all the emotions and looked at me straight in the eyes. "All right. I understand. It was nice being with you." She eve gave me a small smile. Finally, some backbone. Acting like a big girl, and not some romantic hormonal teenager.

She walked away and that was all she ever did for the next few months. Walk away. Whenever I tried talking to her, she'd excuse herself and walk away. Any kind of contact, she would shrug it off . It was kind of weird for all of us. We were ususally together. Everybody got used it it. Now you wouldn't even see me with her at the same room. She was my bestfriend before she was my girlfriend. And I find myself lonely now, with no one to talk to. Noah was away with his family in Massachusetts , Bobo wasn't really good company, Six was busy all the time. Don't even get me started on the god doctor, she wasn't exactly jovial that her sister got dumped. It only took so much for her not to skin me right then and there. Circe was in Hong Kong, hiding from the pack. Safe with Tuck and the gang. Sometimes we'd videochat but she seemed distant. They'd send me pictures and all and I can't help but get jealous because all of the pictures had her beside Skwyd. Then I thought of Beverly, how she was doing. Those chick flicks were another method of torture.

The loner-fest went on and I felt like I was rotting away in my room. Until one morning the Doc wasn't glaring nulear bombs at me anymore. She even said good morning. Bobo offered me a banana, Six invited me to a training session and gave me a pat on the back. It was pretty much a happy morning until Beverly came in. She was holding her phone, texting rapidly. Her eyes were practically glued to the screen. She gave a nonchalant good morning to all of us and sat as far from me as possible. It took her three minutes to start eating breakfast because of her phone. She got a bowl and sat down between Six and the Doc. But her favourite brand of cereals was near to me, I caught her eyes staring longingly at the box but I knew she didn't want to reach out for it because that meant getting closer to me so I handed the cereal box to her with a small (apologetic) smile. She looked at me for about a millisecond, the first in months and reluctantly took the box, poured some on her bowl and perched it beside her afterwards, not even sparing a single thanks or even a smile.

She'd eat a few bites until her phone rings again and she'd text. It was annoying me, the way she'd smile at every single message sent to her. She completely ignored me. Which want unusual. But she had this aura that made her look like she was avoiding me was as easy as pie. It was weird for me.

Every morning from then on was the same as the last. The Doc's good mornings, Six's pats, Bobo's bananas and Beverly's texting. It frustrated me. Who was she texting? Who's words made her smile the way I used to make her smile? Was I getting…replaced?

The question bugged me for the rest of the day and that night I sat by the bed and unconsciously popped a DVD on. The light blinded me and the songs were melodramatic. It took me till the credits to realize what I was doing. I was watching a chick flick.

The next day, I was determined to confront Beverly. I marched right up to her. She was on the veranda, texting to the bastard who thinks he can replace me.

"Beverly," I said. She was surprised. She turned around and looked at me with those wide brown eyes. I understood her shock. Its been three months after all since we last talked.

"I need to talk to you." I mumbled. "Oh. Uhm… let me just finish this—"

"No, Bev. We need to talk now." I growled. She raised her brow at me until she put the phone back in her pocket.

"Shoot." She said.

"You can't keep ignoring me like this for the rest of your life, Bev." I began. "Yes I can. I can do it right now." She started to pull out her phone. I stopped her. "No. What do you think, not talk to me for the rest of your life? Ignore me like you never knew me?" I felt blood rising in me.

"Well what do you want me to do? Follow you around like a pathetic puppy? I am moving on, Rex. Why are you making this hard for me?" she glared. I was speechless. Why indeed I didn't love her, right?

Her phone rang. She was about to answer and that set me off. I snatched the damn thing away from her. "What do you think you're doing? You think I don't know? You think your damned texting will make me at the east bit jealous? Make me go back to you? Which chick flick did you see this trick from?" I yelled. "Stop it Rex! Give me back my phone!" she jumped for it but I activated my nanites, my mechanical hands making the thing unreachable. "Give it now Rex!" she demanded, fuming. The ringing was irritating me, like it was fueling the fire to both our flames. "Not until you tell me why you're ignoring me!" I yelled. She abruptly stopped and stared at me in disbelief. "You want to know as to WHY I'm ignoring you? Geez Rex, and I thought that fighting made you at least intelligent." She scoffed and crossed her arms. She was now glaring daggers towards my direction and I felt like a little toddler being scolded by a much more mature figure. "I am moving on from my life, Rex. That's what people do after they break off a relationship."

"So what, you think you can replace me?" I glowered at her. No, you are so not winning this argument.

" I think? I already found someone, Rex. Someone who would actually enjoy being with me, and not take me for granted or do something stupid like use me to cover up for a girlfriend that was never there. I'm happy, Rex. I've moved on. Shouldn't you be happy I'm not tailing you anymore? You're free to live out whatever "love" is to you. Aren't you happy? "

"He'll just use you, Bev." I said running out of ideas. Her eyes shifted. The Bev I knew practically disappeared before my eyes, what replaced her was a cruel beady eyed vixen.

"Wow, look who's talking." Her voice was practically dripping with cold-blooded sarcasm. "That actually reminded me of a bastard I used to love." Her lip curled into what I believe was supposed to be a smile but looked too sinister to even consider.

"I think now that you've mentioned it, I'll blurt it all out." She straightened her stance and it actually intimidated me. "I'm used to being used. Guinea pig for Providence. Play toy for you. What's worse, I'm happy about it. There mere fact that someone like me, and uncurable, would actually be wanted, it makes me happy! Its so fucking damned twisted but the hell do I care?" she seethed.

"I—I don't want you to be with him…" I muttered miserably. What a sick, sick, person I am.

" Well fuck, you don't want me to be with him, you don't want me to be with you. How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?"

I was deactivating my nanites, I gave her back her phone. She took it and the ringing stopped.

"I don't want to be that pathetic ex-girlfriend you can't run away from." She muttered menacingly, more calm than she ever was in the entire conversation. She gave me one last hard look and walked away, like she always did.

I didn't sleep that night. I thought about Bev. I thought about her and everything we did together. I did miss afternoons in the park, coffee in the mornings and playtimes at night. I did miss the chick flicks and the shopping malls. I did miss the way I made her smile when I tell a corny joke. I miss the ways she would put three teaspoons of brown sugar in her coffee. The way she put on the right shoe on before the left. The way she kisses my jaw in the morning. I did miss the times she's scratch my head when I can't sleep. I did miss the way she'd wrap me in a warm hug after a tiring mission or the way she'd repeat lines from her favourite movies. I miss her. So much.

Did I love her? I'm not sure. Circe's been away for so long. And the pictures weren't really a relief either. Did I love Beverly, well it's obvious that she doesn't love me anymore. She's in love with her textmate. The bastard. I loathed him. I loathed him even more ( if that were possible) the next day. Through the entrance in Providence for visitors, he walked up to Doc and shook her hand. He shook hands with Six too, he tried shaking hands with me but I just narrowed my eyes at him loathingly. You are a bastard, a sick sick bastard that's trying to pry my Beverly away from me.

Then the said woman ran past me and jumped into his arms. I let out a ling exhale to release some steam. Didn't she do that to me before? Wasn't our relationship no different?

"I promise you ma'am, she'll be here before 9:00" the bastard, whatever his name is, assured the doctor. "I trust you Clyde, she better be home in one piece." Doc Holiday winked. "Yes ma'am." He saluted as Beverly giggled. "Where exactly are you going?" Six said, his monotone unfazed. "Arthe Park." Beverly answered. "Well you better bring this." Bobo came around the corner carrying a basketful of strawberries. We used that basket whenever we went to the park. It even has our names underneath it written in permanent marker we wrote at our date during spring.

"Thanks uhmm… Mr.?" said the bastard. "Talking monkey scares you, Loverboy?" the chimp said. "Oh no, not at all. I believe they're very intelligent primates." He chuckled. Bev must've warned him before. He seemed too calm. "I like this kid." Bobo said with an approving smirk. "Well, best be off now. Bye guys!" Bev said and dragged the bastard away. I narrowed my eyes. Let's see how long he'll last.

Forever was more like it. Bast—Clyde, stayed almost everyday. He literally lived in Providence now. He went to sign up for B.A.S.I.C. ad stayed there. They were inseparable. I'd watch them together as they do things that me and Beverly used to do. It hurt. So badly. They would have afternoons in the park, coffee in the mornings and even playtimes at night. I spy them as they watch chick flicks, shop at the mall, and be happy around each other.

Though there was one thing this guy did that I didn't. He wasn't using her. He really did love her.

With all his heart.

And it enraged me even more. He made me the bad guy.

One particular night, they were curled around each other on the couch watching her favourite movie

"I might kiss you, Jamie" the guy inside the T.V. said.

"I might not be good at it." The T.V. girl replied.

We watched that all the time, me and Bev, and she swoons no matter how many times we pushed the rewind button and I'd ignore her all the time. But no, the bastard, he kissed her on her temple and hug her closer like a real boyfriend should. It made me want to stab him right then and there. They watched on and on. Till T.V. girl was in the hospital with Leukaemia and gave T.V. boy a book and made him read to her. See this is why, I hate chick flicks, the situations are so far-fetched. They don't really happen in real life. But I practically had the movie memorized.

"Love is always kind and patient. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

"That's my favourite line." Bev whispered soft enough but I could still hear. Clyde looked at her and smiled. "I thought you said you liked Browning's best?" he chuckled. "Well fine, I like them both." She laughed and snuggled closer to him. It was silent for some time until he spoke, voice almost inaudible."

"Loved you yesterday, love you still. Always have, always will."

She looked up at him with fondness. "You made that?" she asked. "For you." He smiled.

I think I like Clyde Mitchell's quotes the best now." She laughed and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and kissed him. I looked away with hurt. I felt it stinging my eyes… tears? Damn! Rex Salazar never cried before. Damn it Bev! Damn it all to hell! They were so fucking perfect for each other that it hurt. I ran to Providence heliport. I activated boogie pack and flew to Hong Kong. I need MY real girlfriend. I can't stay.

Circe. Circe. Circe. Circe. Circe. Circe. Circe.

That was the only thing I allowed my mind to think of. She'll comfort me. She's my girlfriend. It took me three long tiring hours to get to Hong Kong and 30 more minutes to find her. She was on top of a construction site, perched lightly on the humongous claw-thing.

"Rex?" she said. But I just ran to her and kissed her senseless. "Oh Circe, I missed you so much." I whispered, cradling her head with my hands. "Rex, what're you doing here?" she pushed me away. I was confused. Wasn't she glad to see me? "Baby, I came here to see you. Circe, I miss you so much. Providence is lonely . I reached out to her but she stepped away.

"Circe?" I asked. "What about your girlfriend?" she arched her brow. "No, she's just some girl. I love you." I tried stepping towards her again but she stepped back. She looked down to the ground and scratched the back of her neck.

Oh no.

"I'm sorry, but I love someone else."

She just stared at me. It was so quiet. I could hear our heartbeats and it was not in synchronization. Her's was normal, mine was beating frantically.

"Rex, you do know what we had wasn't real right?" she tried smiling, hoping I would understand. How could she say that? This can't be real! Who would say this? A cruel person at that. But then again, it sounded familiar.

"It was real for me." I managed a choke. It clenched painfully, my heart. Its like it shrivelled up and dribbled out of my ears.

That was it. I flew away. There wasn't anything left for me here. I know now how Bev felt. Shit. I feel like the biggest jerk ever. I landed at home, completely exhausted. I was so tired that I collapsed in the hallway to my room. It was 2:50 am and everyone was asleep. I was alone on the cold floor. I heard footsteps but I was too worn-out to see who it was.

"Hey man, you okay" a voice called out. I looked up. Clyde. I pushed myself upright with all the energy left in me until I was on my feet. I leaned on the wall for support as I glared at him, clenching my fists, releasing drunken, hateful words.

"You fucking bastard. You took her away from me."

He gasped then his brows met angrily. "Who you calling a bastard? It was your sorry ass that pushed her away." He scoffed. I didn't know what it was, but something inside me was clawing to be let out.

"You stole her! You fucking stole her with your motherfucking quotes and damned patience! She doesn't love you! She loved me! She always loved me! She's only using you to forget me! But you can't replace me! You ask yourself! Who's name do you hear when you fuck her? It's not even—"

My face collided with the floor. I felt blood seeping through my split lip. No. I am getting up and kill this bastard. I'll murder him in cold-blood. I pulled myself to my feet and saw him. He was fuming, fists clenched and inferno eyes. It pushed me even more towards the edge; the thing inside me was itching even more to be released.

I wiped my bloody lip and lunged straight at him. I didn't want to use my powers. Actually I couldn't use my powers, I can't activate my nanites. It scared me but now was not the time for that. Now was the time for some good old manly bullfights. Before I knew it, I was covered in bruises. The thing inside me was uncontainable. It had to be released. With only one goal in my mind, it clouded my sense of reason. I was out to kill. I reached out blindly.

"What are you two doing—"

And my hand met another person's heart. The person's skin mapped with glowing blue hexagonal shapes and floated in the air. Then the blue became red. And then I realized my life was over.

My fault.

Whatever they say, it will always be my fault. Mine. No one can comfort me. No one cn take away the pain. No one can take the blame from me. It was my fault.

Doctor Holiday burst through the door crying hysterically and fled into Six's arms. She just had her sister. And she was going to be taken away. Because of my fault. Mine. Bobo came by holding a banana and gave it to me. He gave me a nod and went away. Doctor Hollander walked towards me and sat beside my seat. He was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed heavily and spoke.

"Anti-nanitic entite."

I looked up to him, blurred vision because of the tears. "What?"

"Anti-nanitic entite, this is the nanite that makes you cure all the E.V.O.s. You passed it unto her." He said calmly.

"Is that a good thing? Will Bev be okay?"

"No, it's sad to say she won't last through the night. She's calling for you now." For a moment I was afraid. I didn't want to see what I've done. What I've done to her. My fault. My heart was thumping out of my chest. When my hand thouched the metal door knob.

I entered the room and it smelled of iron. Blood and iron. Anti-nanitic entite. I wracked my memory. It was a nanite that cures E.V.O.s but when given to a deactivated E.V.O. it destroys the remaining nanites keeping that organism alive. Oh Bev.

She just lay there. Pale as the moon. This was her. The woman I love. Dying because of me. Clyde sat beside her, glaring at me. His eyes were puffy and red because of crying. No different from mine. Beverly looked at him. He nodded. He stood up and gave her a small kiss. He whispered I love you and went out of the room, shoving me in the process.

I stood there, staring at her, choking back sobs. "Come sit here." Her voice was raspy. Not like the chimes I used to hear. I sat beside her bed and I found out why the room smelled of iron. There was a bucket filled with vomit. Vomit and exploded nanites. I looked at her and let it all out. My sobs might've been heard throughout the entire compound. We stayed like that for some time. Me crying while she scratched my hair like she used to.

"Rex? I'm going to ask… you to do something… will you? For me?"

"Anything Bev." I chocked.

She pointed to the side table. It was a book. I got it and handed it to her. She opened and weakly skimmed through the pages and handed it back to me. She pointed to the third paragraph and I squinted my eyes, blinking away the tears.

"Please read it to me."

I held her hand, her cold hand in mine and began to read, my voice choked, unclear from crying but we both felt it.

"Love is always patient and kind."

"It is never jealous. It is never boastful or conceited."

"It is never rude or selfish."

It does not take offense and it not resentful."

I looked up, the tears uncontrollably spilling. She was unmoving. The monitor with a monotone beep. Beverly Holiday was dead. And I killed her.

But she was smiling. I let go of her hand to hold her face but my thumb was black. I looked back to her hand, it had something written out.

"I forgive you."

"I love you, Rex. ;)"

Its been fifteen years since Bev died. I miss her. Till now. II can sometimes feel her. Like the little things we used to do. Like her hands scratching my head. Her lips on my jaw in the morning. And then I find it a habit to put the right shoe on before the left and somehow I put three teaspoons of brown sugar in my coffee even if I know its bad for me. How I visit the park in the afternoons even if I'm busy. It was a habit now. I cant stop myself. I love her. I always did. I always will.

"Daddy! I can't find the basketball you gave me!" a small voice called from the other room. My little girl. She made life bearable. She was one of the two reason I'm still hanging on to life, the other was my wife. She may be my wife but she wasn't HER.

"Daddy? Are you even listening to me? Where is it?"

"Its over here, Beverly."

Our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I sure can feel it


End file.
